Jessica: According to my sources, the biggest turnoffs for guys are as follows: snobs, sluts, teases, bad breath, unshaven legs, mustaches, sideburns, fat rolls, overly skinny girls, lack of confidence, girls who can’t hold their liquor, mouthy girls, stupidity, close-mindedness, indecisiveness, oh, and STDs… or STIs??

Brian: The more involved we are with a girl, the harder it is to turn us off from her. If we just meet a girl, and find out five minutes later she has a yeast infection, we’ll probably get the hell out of there. Give us the same information in a long-term relationship, and we’ll try to make her as comfortable as possible, even going as far as buying her some Monistat. There is one thing that will turn off any guy, no matter how interested we are in any girl or guy: over-zealousness. If the first time you meet a guy, you tell him that you are in love with him and want to marry him, well, you might as well kiss that boy goodbye. Date him a few months and start talking about kids? Next time you call his cell phone, you might get Miguel’s voice mail. Most guys will stick around through the random sex noises, the 3 a.m. crying spells or the drunken confessions. Talking about what “our house” will be like in 15 years is a sure-fire way to run off any new man.

Brian: Hell no, are you kidding? Who wouldn’t like to dabble in new things? (And boy do I mean dabble.) There is always something new you can try in life, and the bedroom is the perfect place for experimentation. This especially goes for the girls you are experimenting on. If they aren’t open enough to receive a “shocking” sexual surprise, then they shouldn’t be playing around in a bedroom … or in the back of a car.

Jessica: So, Dick, you mean to tell me that you enjoy sticking two in the pink and one in the stink? Yeah, you’re really sick. If you only do it to humiliate a girl or dominate her, then you are in fact an asshole. If you do it because your girl really enjoys it and you want to please her, then that’s your prerogative.

Jessica: I don’t think your boyfriend needs to know that your ex is still hung up on you. However, if you’re still hung up on your ex and his calls elicit feelings and sparks from you, the new guy needs to know. Not still into your ex? Tell him to back off so you can pursue this new relationship with the new man. Hopefully, he’ll respect that. If he doesn’t, grow a mustache. From what I’ve heard, that’s, like, the biggest turn-off ever.

Brian: Yes, you need to tell your new boyfriend. In fact, let him take care of the guy. Next time Mr. Ex calls, let your current boyfriend answer the phone. By giving your new boyfriend this type of responsibility, it’ll show him that you trust him to take care of and protect you. Basically, he’ll feel more manly and special. (Yes, we men like to feel special and needed too!) Have him talk to Mr. Ex, explain to him that he is your new boyfriend and make sure he establishes that Mr. Ex shouldn’t be calling you anymore. An ideal sentence to get this point across would include the words hacksaw, pliers and testicles. Good luck!

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